IT’S APRIL. The heat builds to a boil, kites leap at gusts of breeze, the swallows return to Nakhon Ratchasima, and the military starts stuffing reluctant young men into uniform. And the annual conscription season always brings with it the melodrama of young male celebrities doing their best to avoid the call-up.

This year the award for best performance in a recruiting office goes to Chinawut “Chin” Indracusin, who shed tears of desperation because he doesn’t want to interrupt a lucrative double career as an actor and singer.

“I’m not crying because I don’t want to be a soldier,” he blubbered. “I’m worried about my mum and my younger sister.” His parents got divorced when he was a kid. Singing since his teen years, he’s been taking care of Mum and Sis and currently pulls down seven digits a year. Two years in uniform threatened a fiscal wallop worth crying over.

Chin didn’t expect to get drafted on Monday. He arrived at the induction proceedings all smiles, confident he’d be exempted due to the metal plate in his wrist bone, the result of an accident nine years ago. He said that why he’s not as fit and trim as he could be – he doesn’t work out because he doesn’t want to put pressure on the wrist.

Category 3 – the waiver from service – merely chuckled. And, since he’d failed to report for service three years ago, they started fitting him for khaki fatigues immediately. He’ll be in the Army by May 1.

That gives him 25 days to put his civilian responsibilities in order, which includes withdrawing from contracts to appear in two TV series and a movie.

Mike breathing easier

Another singing actor, Pirath “Mike” Nitipaisankul, fared better with the military brass. Obviously asthma is a worthier excuse for avoiding service than a metal wrist. Mike’s affliction is indeed bad – he’s been hospitalised because of it.

Asthma is the go-to get-out-of-duty card for heartthrob Nadech Kugimiya, who dodged the draft two years ago because of it. What riles people about both these guys, though, is they’re not averse to a game of football and can dance around the stage for hours on end.

To be fair, they obey the rules governing their exemptions. They get hospital check-ups that are accredited by the military as well as sworn statements from three different doctors. Also, sports and vigorous leisure activities like dancing don’t pose the same risk as military training since a drill sergeant can’t tell if the recruit’s life is in immediate danger (apart from the routine situations, of course). The Army would need a doctor on standby on the obstacle course.

Mike said he’d suffered from asthma as a child but the symptoms faded, only to reappear last year during Channel 3’s anniversary football match, when he was rushed to hospital. “It’s too bad I don’t have a chance to join the military,” he said almost convincingly. “From now on I’ll do my best to serve the country in other ways.”