In sweet-toothed Germany, Christmas marzipan gets a makeover

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  • Photo : AFP
  • Photo : AFP
  • Photo : AFP
  • Photo : AFP

In sweet-toothed Germany, Christmas marzipan gets a makeover

ASEAN+ December 20, 2017 13:50

Luebeck, Germany – Germans believe no Christmas is complete without marzipan, the mouth-watering treat made of sugar and crushed almonds that dates back to the Middle Ages.

But market pressures are driving innovation of the beloved holiday tradition — not least in Luebeck, the charming port city in northern Germany that is arguably the world capital of marzipan.

Marzipan “has a frumpy, slightly dowdy image,” said Janine Judetzki, a spokeswoman for the German marzipan firm Lemke.

“We are anxious to make the image a bit younger and also cater to other target groups.”

The delicacy was, according to Luebeck lore, invented in the 15th century and has been savoured by Prussian emperors and praised by cherished writers such as local son Thomas Mann, whose visage carved in marzipan can be seen at a museum on the city’s high street.

However, the rising price of almonds has also put a strain on the venerable family businesses that make the product, several of which have gone bankrupt in the past few years.

The Luebeck firm Niederegger, founded in 1806, is one of the oldest German candy companies and occupies a central place in the city, where its products are sold on seemingly every corner.

Part of marzipan’s charm is that it can be formed into countless shapes such as snowmen, Christmas trees and pigs.The industry is in the process of widening the variety further in order to remain competitive.

Two years ago, Niederegger launched a successful line of marzipan for men called “Man Stuff” in which the marzipan is tinged with “bitter” flavours like cashews and whiskey and comes in virile packaging like toolboxes.

 

– Eight generations –

 

“Women buy marzipan, but men also like to eat it,” Kathrin Gaebel, a Niederegger spokeswoman, explained in the company’s bustling factory, where smashed almonds are caramelised in copper pots at a temperature kept secret.

The company even installed a 3-D printer to make little marzipan figures in its packed store in downtown Luebeck, though the machine cannot replicate the delicate shapes crafted in the factory, where replicas of fruit and animals are handmade to order.

Niederegger hopes that such changes may help expand its sales, 60 percent of which occur around Christmas.

Two sisters, Antonie Strait and Theresa Mehrens-Strait, now run the company as the eighth generation of the Niederegger family.

But rising costs of nuts have made their work difficult.

“The hazelnut industry and almond industry have both been suffering,” Marcia Mogelonsky, a food specialist at the market research firm Mintel, told AFP.

When the cost of almonds rises, as it does after periods of drought in California, the company must bear far higher costs.

“When you think that we have 2/3 almonds and only 1/3 sugar, you have to think that the price (of the marzipan) would need to double at least,” when the cost of almonds quadruples, said Gaebel.

Niederegger refuses to further sweeten its marzipan, even though doing so could cut costs and attract more customers abroad, who currently account for only 20 percent of sales.

 

– Gift for children –

 

Marzipan from Luebeck is protected by the European Union under the same category as Czech beer and French poultry, and companies must adhere to strict rules about the contents of the almond paste.

The rising price of foodstuffs has affected all of the German sweets industry with sales stagnating for the past several years.

But they especially hurt small companies like Niederegger, which employs around 750 people.

Last year the state of Schleswig-Holstein gave Niederegger and another local marzipan company 885,000 euros ($1.04 million) to help promote new and quicker forms of production.

Traditional companies need support to be competitive worldwide, said Harald Haase, spokesman for the regional economy ministry.

A number of small confectionery companies in Germany have been sold to larger corporations or are bankrupt, according to business newspaper Handelsblatt.

Gaebel declined to comment on Niederegger’s profits but said “we are lucky that we are a family company.”

Starting in January Niederegger will sell an ice cream line throughout Germany and the company, which said it develops 15 new products a year, has experimented with new flavours such as cheesecake and maple syrup.

And despite all the innovation, when it comes to marzipan it may just be its central place in German culture that helps it survive.

“As a child, you get it as a gift,” said Eva Mura, another Niederegger spokeswoman.,”and you give it to children as a gift.”

Which Asian Country Drinks Most?

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Which Asian Country Drinks Most?

ASEAN+ December 20, 2017 13:29

By DataLEADS
Asia News Network
NEW DELHI

People in South Korea are the most prolific drinkers in Asia, according to the WHO. South Koreans over the age of 15 on average drink 10.9 litres of alcohol a year.

South Koreans drink copious amounts of alcohol so much so that no other country comes close to their per capita consumption. The reason for this unparalleled liquor consumption is ascribed to country’s liking for Soju- the fermented rice drink.

Vietnam is second to South Korea in alcohol consumption. The country has seen a rising level of alcohol consumption. Thailand is close to Vietnam at third place in Asia.

Mongolia and China are at close fourth and fifth position in Asia respectively.   In China the rising consumption is attributed to the culture of drinking where “drinking with colleagues is seen as vital to career advancement.”

Japan, The drinkers’ paradise has seen a decline in the consumption.

Laos shares sixth place with Japan with equal per capita consumption of alcohol. Though ranked lower than other countries Cambodia’s drinking habits are on the upswing. With the increased urbanization the drinking culture has seeped in Philippines that also been seeing growing local breweries.

Singapore has stringent laws for drinking and thus the low alcohol consumption.

India and Sri Lanka are at a close tenth and eleventh position in Asia. While a high number of people in Nepal drink, it is still one of Asia’s least drinking countries.

Despite being an integral part of Bhutanese culture, alcohol consumption is low in Bhutan.

And the most abstinent countries? Unsurprisingly, they are mostly Muslim states where the sale and consumption of alcohol is restricted. In Indonesia ​and Bangladesh ​the average citizen drinks hardly a bottle of wine in a year. The lowest alcohol consumption is reported in Pakistan at nearly 0.

Twittersphere aghast over Trump likeness at Disney exhibit

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x

Twittersphere aghast over Trump likeness at Disney exhibit

ASEAN+ December 20, 2017 06:52

By Agence France-Presse
Miami

It’s got his orangish hair, too-long tie, and trademark unbuttoned jacket. But is that robo-guy at Disney’s Hall of Presidents really supposed to be Donald Trump?

If you go by the chorus of tweets out there ranging from puzzled to horrified, the facial likeness of the animatronic figure unveiled Tuesday is a botch job.

The robotic figure stands on a stage alongside life-size models of Trump’s predecessors.

It can speak and move its hands, but was widely derided by friends and foe for its fleeting resemblance to the 45th president.

Twitter users said the figure, dressed in a dark suit, looked more like Hillary Clinton or Hollywood actor Jon Voight, a Trump supporter.

Others compared it to veteran US actress Angela Lansbury or the character Biff Tannen from the film “Back to the Future.”

“The more I see of Disney’s ‘Hall of Presidents’ Trump, the more I’m convinced they made a Hillary one first and had to redo it” said Twitter user Maplecocaine.

“It looks like Jon Voight and Hillary had a man-baby,” said another Twitter account under the handle Tyree.

The comedy website Funny or Die quickly dubbed over the official recording on Trump’s voice, in which he talks about “the achievements of the American spirit,” with some of his more lurid proclamations, such as the “Access Hollywood” tape in which he boasts of sexually grabbing women.

With a nod to the special prosecutor’s investigation into the Trump campaign’s possible ties to Russian election meddling, Twitter user Rex Hupke said that “the best part of Donald Trump being in Disney’s Hall of Presidents will be when they move him … and put him in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride’s jail.”

Singer and movie star Bette Midler recalled the president’s sensitivity to criticism that he has small hands, joking that “they had to use an old pair of hands from one of the ‘It’s a Small World’ kids.”

There was no immediate reaction from the president himself, a prolific user of Twitter.

K-pop star joins the ill-fated ’27 Club’

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  • Janis Joplin
  • Kim Jong-Hyun
  • Kurt Cobain
  • Amy Winehouse
  • Jim Morrison
  • Jimi Hendrix

K-pop star joins the ill-fated ’27 Club’

ASEAN+ December 20, 2017 01:00

Paris – With his suicide, Kim Jong-Hyun, lead singer of South Korean boyband SHINee, joins an ill-fated group of famous rock stars who passed away at 27 — the so-called “27 Club”.

    He was found on Monday in a hotel room in the South Korean capital Seoul in what police said was suicide.

Rolling Stones founding member Brian Jones, guitarist Jimi Hendrix, singer Janis Joplin, The Doors singer Jim Morrison, Nirvana singer and guitarist Kurt Cobain, and British soul singer Amy Winehouse are the other major “members” of the notorious club.

– Amy Winehouse –

Winehouse, one of Britain most famous soul singers, was found dead in her bed at her London flat on July 23, 2011 after years of drug and alcohol addiction.

The singer of “Back to Black” and “Rehab”, won six Grammy awards, one of them posthumously. She died of alcohol poisoning.

– Kurt Cobain –

Cobain, who died on April 5, 1994, had a well-documented struggle with heroin during his brief career with US grunge rockers Nirvana. But it was not drugs that claimed his life, but his own hand.

Just weeks after taking an overdose of tranquilisers in Rome, Cobain, who was married to troubled rocker Courtney Love and best known for the hit “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, killed himself with a shotgun at his house in Seattle.

– Jim Morrison –

On July 3, 1971, the US Doors singer of the hits “Light My Fire” and the brooding masterpiece “The End” died in his bathtub in his Paris flat, alcoholic and obese, after suffering a heart attack.

His grave is one of the most visited at the Pere-Lachaise cemetery in Paris.

   – Janis Joplin –

On October 4, 1970, US singer Joplin, known for her bluesy vocal style, dies of a suspected heroin overdose. Her album “Pearl” was released posthumously and became her biggest seller.

– Jimi Hendrix –

Hendrix, the pioneering US guitar wizard whose whose hits included “Purple Haze” and “Hey Joe”, died on September 18, 1970.

He choked on his own vomit in a hotel in London after swallowing sleeping pills and drinking red wine.

– Brian Jones –

Jones, who left the Rolling Stones after disagreements with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, had problems with drugs and alcohol.

He drowned in the swimming pool on his estate in Sussex, southern England during the night of July 2-3, 1969 and was found by his girlfriend. An inquest recorded a verdict of death by misadventure.//AFP

A year after Xmas market attack, Germany admits failings

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German Chancellor Angela Merkel walks past the memorial as she leaves the venue after the inauguration of the memorial for the victims of last year's deadly truck attack at the Christmas market at Breitscheidplatz in Berlin, on December 19, 2017.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel walks past the memorial as she leaves the venue after the inauguration of the memorial for the victims of last year’s deadly truck attack at the Christmas market at Breitscheidplatz in Berlin, on December 19, 2017.

A year after Xmas market attack, Germany admits failings

ASEAN+ December 19, 2017 19:19

By Agence France-Presse
Berlin

Germany’s president admitted Tuesday that the government failed to provide adequate support and comfort to relatives of victims in last year’s devastating Christmas market attack, and admitted security gaps in the run-up to the atrocity.

A year after rejected Tunisian asylum seeker Anis Amri rammed a truck into the crowded market at Breitscheidplatz, killing 12 and wounding 70 others, the authorities have come under fire over security failings and their clumsy handling of the aftermath of the assault.

“It is true that some support came late and remained unsatisfactory,” President Frank-Walter Steinmeier told the bereaved and emergency workers at a private church memorial for the victims.

“Many family members and injured — many of you — felt abandoned by the state,” he said, recalling the words of a mother who had lost her daughter and said no-one had comforted her after the attack.

A counsellor places a flower on the memorial as she attends the inauguration of the memorial for the victims of the 2016 deadly truck attack at the Christmas market in front of the Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedaechtniskirche (Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church) at Breitscheidplatz in Berlin, on December 19, 2017. // AFP PHOTO

“I can’t get those words out of my head,” he admitted, saying that the relatives’ appeal to be heard had “triggered something and set it in motion.”

In the hours following the assault, politicians had put on a brave front and repeated the mantra that Germany would not be cowed by terror.

But Steinmeier acknowledged such rhetoric had done little for the victims.

“So soon after the attack … these words don’t sound simply defiant and self-confident, but also strangely cold and detached,” he said.

 

– ‘We can only apologise’ –

To mark the anniversary, the popular Christmas market at Breitscheidplatz will stay shut all day out of respect for the victims.

At midday, Chancellor Angela Merkel was to inaugurate a memorial — a 14-metre (46-foot) golden crack in the ground engraved with the victims’ names.

And during the evening, there will be a public ecumenical prayer at 8:02 pm (1902 GMT) — the exact time when Amri rammed his truck into the crowded square a year ago, when people can light candles and the church’s bells will chime for 12 minutes.

But the run-up to the commemoration has been marred by criticism of the authorities by families of the victims.

A wrenching open letter by some of the bereaved accused Merkel of failing to personally offer condolences.

The chancellor held her first meeting with relatives only on Monday.

Acknowledging the criticism, Merkel said: “It is clear to me that their suffering, this complete transformation of their lives, cannot be put right.

“But nevertheless we can show compassion and will improve the things that must be improved.”

In an editorial in Tagesspiegel daily, Justice Minister Heiko Maas apologised.

“We were not sufficiently prepared to deal with the consequences of such a terror attack,” he wrote.

“For that, we can only apologise to the victims and their surviving relatives.”

 

– ‘Taxi costs not reimbursed’ –

Kurt Beck, who was commissioned by the government to look into the handling of the aftermath, last week outlined a litany of official failings, including taking up to three days to inform anxious relatives that their loved ones had perished and even sending the bereaved autopsy bills complete with late payment warnings.

Further adding to the embarrassment, Bild daily said the letter inviting relatives to Tuesday’s commemoration was accompanied by an information sheet stating that “taxi costs will not be reimbursed!” and urging them to use public transport instead.

A spokeswoman for Berlin authorities, Claudia Suender, told Tagesspiegel that such information was “required under budgetary and administrative law” even if she “regretted the impression it gave.”

Police also faced fierce criticism after it emerged that Amri, who arrived in Germany in 2015 and registered under several different identities, should have been deported.

On Sunday, Welt am Sonntag newspaper said the Tunisian had been under closer surveillance by Germany’s secret service than previously thought, suggesting the authorities may have left him free in order to detect his instigators.

Amri himself was shot and killed four days after the attack by police in Italy, where he had previously lived.

AirAsia, Firefly stewardesses’ uniforms too sexy: Malaysian MPs

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  • Firefly
  • Air Asia

AirAsia, Firefly stewardesses’ uniforms too sexy: Malaysian MPs

ASEAN+ December 19, 2017 17:37

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Two Malaysian ruling party lawmakers have chided homegrown low-cost airlines AirAsia and Firefly for dressing their stewardesses in uniforms that are “too revealing”.

Senator Abdullah Mat Yasim, a division chief of the ruling Umno party, said in Parliament the fitted attire of AirAsia’s and Firefly’s female flight attendants can “arouse passengers”, the New Straits Times reported.

The “eye-catching outfits” also do not reflect the status of Islam as the official religion of Malaysia, Abdullah added according to the newspaper.

“The Malaysian Aviation Commission (MAVCOM) must really look into this,” Abdullah said when debating the MAVCOM (Amendment) Bill 2017 in Parliament on Monday (Dec 18).

His view was supported by Senator Megat Zulkarnain Omardin, who suggested that the airlines redesign the uniforms.

“My wife is worried whenever I fly alone on Malindo or AirAsia,” Megat, who is also general-secretary of the Malaysian National Silat Federation, quipped.

“This is a real hassle for me,” he said, drawing laughter from other members of the Dewan Negara or Parliament.

Abdullah said the flight attendant uniforms of Malindo Air, another Malaysian budget carrier, were “acceptable”, NST reported.

The uniforms are also body hugging but at least the “sensitive areas” are covered, he was quoted as saying, without specifying which areas he deemed to be “sensitive”.

Abdullah was praised by Dewan Negara deputy president Abdul Halim Abd Samad for highlighting the issue.

“This is a good topic that many people can relate to as they always take flights,” he said.

It was the second time in two weeks that flight attendant uniforms have come under the spotlight at Malaysia’s Parliament.

Last week, Senator Hanafi Mamat, who is secretary of the Kelantan Umno branch, said attendants should wear “syariah-compliant” uniforms as Malaysia is an Islamic country.

Tourists might get the wrong impression of Malaysia if flight stewardesses dress up “sexily and disrespectfully”, he said.

K-pop star bemoans loneliness in suicide note

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K-pop star bemoans loneliness in suicide note

ASEAN+ December 19, 2017 14:07

2,543 Viewed

Seoul – A top K-pop star bemoaned feeling “broken from inside” and “engulfed” by depression in a suicide note, it emerged Tuesday, as his death sent shockwaves among fans worldwide.

    Kim Jong-Hyun, a 27-year-old lead singer of the massively popular K-pop boyband SHINee, was found in a Seoul hotel room on Monday in what police said was suicide.

Kim’s close friend, musician Nain9, released a suicide note on Tuesday on her Instagram account, saying he had asked her to publish the message in the event of his death.

“I am broken from inside. The depression that gnawed on me slowly has finally engulfed me entirely,” it said, adding he “couldn’t defeat it anymore”.

“I was so alone,” he went on. “The act of ending is difficult. I’ve lived until now because of that difficulty.”

“Please tell me I did a good job,” he implored, ending the note with: “You’ve worked hard. You’ve really gone through a lot. Goodbye.”

Read : Full Text of Suicide Note

Five-member SHINee debuted in 2008 and went on to lead the “Korean Wave” that saw South Korean pop culture develop followings across Asia and beyond.

Known for peppy songs and carefully-choreographed dance numbers performed with military precision, SHINee have become one of the world’s best-known K-pop acts.

The band have released five albums that swept charts at home and abroad, with some topping the US Billboard World Albums chart.

The band’s agents SM Entertainment — which dominates K-pop and has several other top acts under its wings — said Kim’s funeral would be held on Thursday.

“Other members of SHINee as well as other artists at our company are all mourning his death amid deep sorrow and shock,” it said in a statement.

Many other K-pop stars at the firm cancelled public appearances to visit the mourning altar at a Seoul hospital where his body lies, with hundreds of tearful fans also in attendance.

“It looks certain that it was a suicide,” police told a briefing. “So we plan to close the case without autopsy as requested by the family.”

– Ultra-competitive society –

Social media was flooded by thousands of messages of mourning, with photos showing throngs of fans sobbing near a makeshift memorial set up outside the Korean embassy in Santiago, Chile.

Kim was pronounced dead shortly after being moved to a hospital. A coal briquette was found burning on a frying pan in the room where he was found — a common method of suicide in South Korea.

The country — known for its ultra-competitive society — has one of the highest suicide rates in the world, with the deaths of public figures and celebrities often making headlines.

K-pop stars go through cutthroat competition and gruelling, years-long training by their agents, who dictate everything from the artists’ music style to diet regimen and even mobile phone use.

Many are also pressed to maintain squeaky-clean and wholesome images at all times, smiling throughout their public appearances and staying away from “troubles” such as romantic relationships.

Kim earlier sent his sister several text messages saying “This is my last farewell” and “Please let me go and say I did a good job”, prompting her to make an emergency phone call to police.//AFP

Hanoi’s nudists bare all, defying social norms

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  • Photo : AFP
  • This photo shows a nudist playing a flute in a hut by the southern banks of the Red River in Hanoi.//AFP

Hanoi’s nudists bare all, defying social norms

ASEAN+ December 19, 2017 13:47

Hanoi – Butt cheeks bared, Hanoi’s ragtag nudist club ignore the chilly weather to do their daily exercises — some swim, some jog, one performs military drills — stripping off and defying norms in the conservative communist nation.

    Tucked behind banana trees on the banks of the city’s Red River, the men meet to shed their clothes, and modesty, for a cheeky dip, a game of chess, or yoga headstands in the buff — which they believe comes with health benefits.

“It’s important for us to come here because we want to be healthy, we call ourselves addicts,” said Nguyen Tuan Nghia, 43, a self-taught Buddhist who’s been disrobing at the meeting spot for 18 years.

For Nghia, who recently embraced Protestantism, getting naked is his way to return to infancy, making him feel like he was just “given birth (to) by Jesus or Buddha”.

Most of them have straightlaced day jobs as civil servants, journalists, or even state officials.

Many come every day — a temperature of 18 Celsius (64 Fahrenheit) did not keep a few dozen skinny dippers out of the water on a recent afternoon, though many warm up over hot tea by the fire.

They say shedding their clothes makes them feel uninhibited, a rare chance to stray from the pack in the one-party state where social compliance and strict norms are taught from a young age.

“I feel relaxed… and it’s fun. I feel at ease when I come here, I exercise and it makes me feel better when I return to my day job,” vendor Nguyen Hoang Duong, 23, told AFP wearing nothing but an army green cap.

 

– ‘No skin disease’ –

 

Though public nudity remains taboo in much of Asia, nudist swimming clubs have popped up in conservative China, and tourist-haven Thailand boasts several ‘naturalist’ retreats mostly for foreigners, while public bathhouses have long been popular across Japan and South Korea.

But nudist bathing and beach-going is rare in Vietnam, a one-party state where porn is banned and communist propaganda posters are ubiquitous.

Nudity in art, photography, film and dance is subject to strict censorship by eagle-eyed authorities, though some exhibitions featuring nudes have been given the greenlight in recent months.

None of this phases the men at Hanoi’s nudist enclave, who also brush aside concerns that the Red River might not be clean enough for swimming.

They are not worried by rising levels of trash on the river’s edge, nor do they pay much attention to reports about polluted runoff from nearby factories.

“We’ve never had any skin disease or feel itchy at all, we think it’s quite clean here,” said 67-year-old Le Duc Lam, who says his own health has improved after swimming in the river, which flows from southern China to the South China Sea east of Hanoi.

For Lam, the skinny dipping sessions under the 115-year-old Long Bien bridge, today buzzing with motorbikes, are also a chance to escape the commotion of the fast-growing capital and have a bit of fun with friends.

His group is one of a handful that meet in different spots along the waterway, including one for women to swim in the buff.

Some hope the trend will catch on.

“Vietnamese people should be more open when they talk about nudist bathing. We shouldn’t be so modest about it like in the past,” said naked bather Nguyen Thi Thuy, wearing nothing but the hair on her head.//AFP

Lizard, turtle among more than 100 new species found in Mekong region

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Asian Box Turtle
Asian Box Turtle

Lizard, turtle among more than 100 new species found in Mekong region

ASEAN+ December 19, 2017 13:41

By Agence France-Presse

A Vietnamese ‘crocodile lizard’ and a Thai turtle found on sale in a local market are among more than 100 new species discovered in the ecologically diverse but threatened Mekong region last year, researchers said Tuesday.

The Southeast Asian countries flanking the Mekong river, which snakes down from the Tibetan plateau to the South China Sea, are among the most biodiverse in the world.

Each year scientists announce scores of new species discovered in the region, which includes Thailand, Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam.

But there are fears that many more species could die out before they are found in the region whose jungle and river ecosystems are increasingly threatened by roads, dams and a thriving illegal wildlife trade.

In total, scientists confirmed 115 new species in 2016 after a lengthy vetting process, according to the World Wildlife Fund (WWF).

They include 11 amphibians, two fish, 11 reptiles, 88 plants and three mammals.

“While the global trends are worrisome, and the threats against species and their habitats here in the Greater Mekong are massive, these new species discoveries give us enormous hope,” said WWF’s Lee Poston.

“But we have to do more to protect their habitat and prevent them from entering the illegal wildlife trade,” he added.

The new finds include a bat with a horseshoe-shaped face and a snail-eating turtle discovered by a scientists in a local market in northeastern Thailand.

The Crocodile Lizard, a scaly reptile that hails from northern Vietnam’s evergreen forests, was also among the new species announced on Tuesday.

Although the reptile was first discovered in 2003, it has taken years to confirm its status as a separate subspecies.

Coal mining and pet trade poachers have gravely endangered the lizard, whose numbers are estimated to be fewer than 200, scientists said.

Two new mole species were also found in Vietnam, with researchers noting that their underground dwellings have helped protect them.

Over the past 20 years more than 2,500 new species — amounting to around two per week — have been discovered in the Greater Mekong, WWF said.

The full text of Jonghyun’s death note

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The full text of Jonghyun’s death note

ASEAN+ December 19, 2017 13:00

By The Korea Herald
Asia News Network

6,438 Viewed

Dear Cloud’s vocalist Nine9 revealed the late Jonghyun’s painful suicide note on his Instagram on Tuesday.

Following is the unofficial English translation of Jonghyun‘s suicide note in Korean.

I was broken from the inside.

The depression slowly chipped me away, finally devouring me.

I could not beat the negativity.

I hated myself. Even though I tried so hard demanding my memories that kept getting cut off to ‘wake up,’ all I got in return was silence.

I‘d rather stop if I cannot breathe.

I asked who could be responsible for me.

You’re the only one.

I felt utterly alone.

It is easy to say “I‘m going to end it.”

It is very difficult to actually go through with it.

I’ve been struggling through the difficulty.

I told myself that it‘s just me wanting to run away from everything.

It’s true. I really did want to run away.

From me.

From you.

I asked, “Who‘s there?” It’s me. It‘s me again. And it’s me the third time.

I asked, “Why do I keep on losing my memory?” They said it‘s due to my personality. I see. It’s all my fault.

I wanted someone to notice (my suffering), but no one knew. Of course, they wouldn‘t. They never met me before.

I asked why people live. Just. Just. They live “just because.”

If I ask why people died, they would probably say they couldn’t bear it any longer.

Troubling thoughts flooded my head. I never got the chance to learn how to change dull pain into pure joy.

Pain is just pain.

I kept reprimanding myself not to do so.

Why? Why can‘t I even end my life with my own will?

I tried figuring out the reasons for my pain and suffering.

I already had the answer. I was in pain because of me. It’s all my fault that I carry so many imperfections.

Teacher, is this what you wanted to hear?

No. I didn‘t do anything wrong.

I used to think that it’s so easy for doctors to blame your personality for the suffering in their calm voice.

It surprises me how I am feeling this much pain. Those people, who have suffered worse than I, seem to go on living perfectly fine. Those weaker than I am live on as well. I guess not. Among the living, there is no one who is suffering worse and no one who is weaker.

The only answer I got back was “just live nevertheless.”

Asking the purpose of life more than one hundred times is not for me. It‘s for you.

I wanted to do it for me.

Please don’t say things you don’t know.

How could you ask me to still look for reasons behind my pain? I told you multiple times why I‘m suffering. Do I need more reasons to be in pain? More dramatic details in my stories? More stories even?

I told you already. Were you absent-minded when I told you? Things you can bear and even come above do not leave scars.

It wasn’t my responsibility to go against the world.

It wasn‘t my path to become world-famous.

That’s why they say it‘s hard to go against the world and to become famous. Why did I choose this path? It’s quite funny now that I think about it.

It‘s a miracle that I endured through it all this time.

What more can I say. Just tell me “good job.”

You did great. Tell me I suffered enough.

Even though you can’t laugh right now, just don‘t send me off blaming me.

Good job.

You suffered a great deal.

Good-bye.